There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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