I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
