I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
