brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
