Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
