you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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