and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
