but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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