her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
