Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
