worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
