Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
