Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
