I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
