I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
