Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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