guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just want to make out with him forever
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
