Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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