let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
