Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
