Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
