and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
