I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
