why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
