U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
