how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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