you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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