You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
