There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize