i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
