First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
