my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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