guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There r osticjed everywhere
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
