I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
