i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
high people should be assigned attendants
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
