That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
