Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
