woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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