There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
