I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
