3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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