i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
