They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
