her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I will pee on everything he values.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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