He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I need water and some morals
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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