I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
