**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Randomize
