i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't turn off my feet"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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