Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
