The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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