Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
