oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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