my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
