When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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