It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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