ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
