I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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