i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
