# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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