Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.