Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!