I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dating After Heartbreak
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.