omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...