My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram