i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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