As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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