you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
