Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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