he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
