It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
