Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
