GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
