I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
