Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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